Category Archives: Life

Heartbroken

2015/01/img_0660.jpg

“When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.” ~ Khalil Gibran

My greatest delight, my soulmate, my love Patrick passed away peacefully Thursday morning, January 15, surrounded by love. This hard, hard day is softened by knowing his suffering is over, and that he is dancing among the angels.

2015/01/img_0666.jpg

3 Comments

Filed under Life

Selfie Request!

This crazy life of mine has left the creative well so dry that I have ignored my blog far too long. I miss it – the writing, the friendships, the community of it all.

After almost 9 solid months in the hospital, since June 22, 2013, with only a brief break in December, my husband finally came home in late March. Since then, we focused on his on-going care and my work, with little energy for anything more than those. Things were buzzing along reasonably well until two weeks ago, when he was readmitted to the hospital. He’s just beginning to heal after surgery yesterday, but once again it will be a challenging and long road.

This is one of our hospital selfies from around his birthday this time last year:

20140809-110032-39632397.jpg

We couldn’t do this without tremendous support from family and friends, near and far. It really does take a village. And sometimes we request strange things from our fellow villagers……..

My husband, Patrick, has a birthday on Tuesday, Aug. 12. Since this will be his second birthday in a row in the hospital, I hit up family and friends to send along birthday cards to fill his room with even more goodness and love. His sister had the great idea of starting a “Send Patrick a Happy Birthday Selfie” campaign.

So, if you’re so inclined, please take a picture of yourself holding up a “Happy Birthday, Patrick!” sign and either email it to me here on the blog (kachlynda at gmail dot com) or post to twitter with the hashtag #happybirthdaypatrick and/or tag me (@kachlynda). We’ll make sure he sees them!

Thanks.

And I hope to be back here again soon.

2 Comments

Filed under Life

Another Suitcase in Another Hall

20140216-174328.jpg

When I selected “capacity” as my word for 2014, I didn’t mean it as a challenge to the universe. Evidently I was wrong.

Last I wrote in January, my husband was hospitalized for a week to have some minor surgery and a bone biopsy. Writing on Saturday, he was to be released the next Monday. He was, indeed, released, but the fun was just beginning.

Biopsy results were mixed, so he was put on 2 IV antibiotics and sent home with a PICC line. I had a crash course in administering the IVs and line care, and poof – we were on our own. Within 48 hours, I knew something was up, as I recognized the early stages/symptoms of the problems that started all of this last June. A consult with his home care RN and off to the emergency room we went on Thursday.

Once at the ER, the naive young nurse suggested this was something easy, a quick temporary fix and off home again he could send us. The attending physician was the same one who saw him when he came into the ER in June — he remembered him coding. He ordered a few more labs, and once the numbers started rolling in, admittance was a sure thing.

One of the antibiotics had caused a violent reaction, which damaged and subsequently shut down his kidney function. Completely. New antibiotics, a reaction to the second one, and a long wait for “normal” began. I kept commenting to doctors and nurses that it seemed like he was building up a LOT of fluid, but the party line was to wait. Interesting choice.

He was admitted on Thursday. The following Wednesday so much fluid had accumulated that he went into severe respiratory distress and ended up in coronary care on a ventilator for 2 days. Then they decided perhaps the fluid buildup was a problem and started medication — he lost 60 POUNDS of fluid in the next 8 days!

He has worked his way back, somehow amazingly retaining his sense of humor and unflagging patience. Tomorrow he gets transferred back to the rehab hospital where he spent last fall. This time we are hoping for a shorter stay amongst familiar faces.

Another weekend, another hospital room. I’m grateful to family and friends who have supported us on this incredibly long journey, to (most of) the doctors and nurses who have eased the path.

And with the recent snowfall adding to the winter fun, I wait for Spring.

2 Comments

Filed under Life

Saturday Night Live

Time is a figure eight, at its center the city of Deja Vu. ~ Robert Brault

Somewhere in the middle of the night last night, I dreamt that my mother and my mother-in-law were having coffee together. I’m not sure what prompted it, but I awoke with a feeling of warmth and comfort, as though they hugged me on the way out the door. I miss those hugs. It’s been only seven weeks since my mother-in-law passed away, nearly two decades since I lost my mother. Although they never met, I can certainly picture the conversations they were having in my dream, how talk of music and dancing and, of course, their children filled the time.

As I spend another Saturday night in a hospital, the sense of déjà vu cycles around again. My husband was readmitted on Monday and had (minor) surgery on Wednesday. Word from the doctor is that he should get to come home on Monday. So here I am, after many hours at his side, now watching him peacefully sleep the evening away, his gentle snoring comforting in its regularity. And on the television is Lawrence Welk.

Mom and I spent many hours watching the Lawrence Welk Show, both when I was a child and later, when my hospital hours were spent at her bedside those last two years she was alive. Familiar and harkening to happy times, the show brought her comfort and moments where she felt like “her old self,” as she would call it.

Tonight I feel that comfort, that sentimental familiarity cloak me for the hour of the show. Past and present, then and now tied up in a knot of the present. Another hospital, another Saturday night watching over someone I love. Another wunnerful, wunnerful Saturday night.

Leave a comment

Filed under Life

One-word resolution

20140102-193252.jpg


“Just as I have insisted on his worth, he has always insisted on my strength, insisted that my capacity is greater than I believe. And I know, without being told, that’s what love does, when it’s right-it makes you more than you were, more than you thought you could be.
This is right.”
― Veronica Roth, Allegiant

It’s that time of year – the new year – where we try to think of all the things we’d like to change, to do, to be. We try to quantify and qualify our lists, setting out each year to do a bit better than the last one.

If you have been around the blog a bit, you might remember that the past few years I’ve been practicing the one-word resolutions, trying to select one guiding word to challenge me throughout the year. As with last year’s choice, oftentimes the word plays out in unanticipated ways, yet at year’s end, I can pull the thread of it, feel its texture woven into the warp and woof of every day.

I spend time thinking through options, trying to sift through candidates until I find the one that sits true in my soul. Sometime it’s an obvious or deliberate choice; sometimes, like this year, I stumble upon it in the course of doing other things. This year’s word came to me while writing my year-end update, and it just felt right. This year’s word is: capacity.

Here are the dictionary definitions:

1: legal competency or fitness

2a : the potential or suitability for holding, storing, or accommodating
b : the maximum amount or number that can be contained or accommodated — see metric system table, weight table

3a : an individual’s mental or physical ability: aptitude, skill
b : the faculty or potential for treating, experiencing, or appreciating

4: duty, position, role

5: the facility or power to produce, perform, or deploy: capability; also, maximum output

One of the reasons this word intrigues me is that it can be both limited and infinite. A maximum capacity has a limit, something that can be reached, measured, contained. Yet capacity can also be limitless – a capacity to love, to experience, to create. It’s more than that, too, but that duality fascinates me.

The capacity of 2014 is unknown on day one. Let the journey begin.

What is your one-word resolution?

Leave a comment

Filed under Life